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Serenity lands at the town of Canton on Higgins' Moon, a settlement dedicated to making mud. The crew's bound to pick up some merchandise for a buyer but the local magistrate and his prods are suspicious types who are more than likely to cut off your hands and feet than let strangers walk about, unless you're looking to do legitimate business. Also, Jayne's twitchy because the last time he was here, he wasn't exactly doing legitimate business. In fact, the magistrate is out for his thieving blood.

At Kaylee cum Mal's suggestion, Simon takes point, being the fancy-man on the ship who looks like he's got money to burn, and they all head into town. Only when they get there, the crew discovers the local Mudders have turned Jayne into a folk hero.

One with his own theme song.

They've got to retrieve the merchandise, keep their hands and arms attached to their bodies at all times, and figure out how to work Jayne's newfound fame to their advantage.

Probably the funniest Firefly episode!

Original air date: 10/18/02
Written by: Ben Edlund
Directed by: Marita Grabiak
Read the script


  • Simon swearing (yes, he actually swore).
  • River running from Book's oversized hair.
  • Jayne, singing his own theme song (funny).
  • Jayne, staring in to space at the end of the show (sad).


KAYLEE: Bye now. Have good sex.

SIMON: All right. Fine. I'll go. Just... stop describing me.

WASH (watching Simon play his role... poorly): Who is this diabolical master of disguise?

SIMON: This must be what going mad feels like.

MAL: Jayne?
JAYNE: Yeah?
MAL: You wanna tell me how come there's a statue of you here, lookin' at me like I owe him somethin'?
JAYNE: Wishin' I could, Cap'n.

JAYNE: Instead of us hanging around playing art critic till I get pinched by the Man, how's about we move away from this eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our increasingly eerie-ass day?

RIVER: Bible's broken.

WASH: We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm a hero!

MUDDERS [cheering]: To Jayne!
JAYNE: To me!

SIMON: I reattached a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a hamster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.

SIMON: To Jayne! The box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong-thing.

RIVER: They say the snow on the roof was too heavy. They say the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger.


JAYNE: The living legend needs eggs.

MAL: Let's go get our wayward babes.

JAYNE: You think there's someone just going to drop money on you?! Money they could use?! Well there ain't people like that... There's just people like me.

RIVER: Just keep walking, preacher-man.

MAL: It's my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of sumbitch or another.

Chinese Phrases

  • Je shr shuh muh lan dong shi!?
"What is this garbage!?" (Wash, referring to Mudder's Milk.)
  • Yeh-soo, ta ma duh... {"duh" was cut}
"Hay-soose (Jesus)-mother-of-jumped-up--" (Jayne, as Hero of Canton song starts.)
  • shiong mao niao {Bartender sounds like shung mao niao}
"panda urine" (Bartender, about Mudder's Milk being unworthy of the Hero.)
  • Hoo-tsuh. {Zoe sounds like Ho-tsuh}
"Shut up." (Zoe, shocked at hearing from Wash that Jayne's a folk hero.)
  • (guh jun duh) hwoon dahn!
"(a real) jerk!" (Jayne {off-screen}, Jaynestown, referring to Boss {Magistrate} Higgins.)
  • Gao yang jong duh goo yang. {Wash sounds like Go yang ... goo yang.}
"Motherless goats of all motherless goats." (Wash, as notices land-lock.)

For more information and a pronunciation guide, see the Firefly Chinese Pinyinary(approve sites).

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Page last modified on June 09, 2010, at 08:46 AM MST